Sick & Disturbing jokes (contains adult material) - Page 11 - Music Forums - Music Forum

DrBenway · #**101** 10-28-2008

well feel free to make your own list. I grabbed these ones out of my magazine, they had a collection of over 2000 for the three there. i just can't find the rest

Misfitlove · #**102** 10-28-2008

LOL funny stuff!

magic · #**103** 10-28-2008

that's ok......we will let your list stand all by itself LOL

DrBenway · #**104** 10-28-2008

Am i a bad person to find this all funny? like the average person wouldnt i would hope so at least

DrBenway · #**105** 10-28-2008

A business mans company tell him that he will have to take a long business trip to japan to clinch an important deal. Unfortunately his wife is known for cheating on him when he goes away. He loves her still but everytime she does it it breaks his heart and this trip will be the longest he has been on. He also knows that she tries hard not to cheat and has done less and less. Having given up smoking he knows how hard it is to shake an addiction so he decides to go to a *** shop to get her something to keep her amused.
On his way home he goes to a little *** shop. He looks around for a bit but doesnt really find anything satisfactory. Just as he is about to leave the owner calls him over.
"Your looking for something special?"
"Yes, i need something to keep my wife busy while im away so she wont cheat"
The owner looks at him hard then reaches under the counter and pulls out a small wooden box with mystical carvings and pictures on it. He slides off the lid and inside sits a carved wooden dildo.
"Whats so special about that?" asks the man
"Watch... Voodoo dildo door"
To the mans suprise the dildo rises from the box and starts ****ing the keyhole of the door.
"Voodoo dildo box"
The dildo stops and drops back into its box.
"Thats amazing i'll take it"
After paying for it he walks home with a smile on his face. The next morning after packing he gives his wife her present. At first she is dubious but after showing her the door trick she seems quite pleased, so he leaves on his trip.
After a week she feels then need for a shag but as she wants to stop cheating she instead gets out the dildo.
"Voodoo dildo my pussy"
The dildo rises obediently from the box and starts to shag her brains out.
A hour and ten orgasms later she feels better. Through all the ***ual exstasy however she forgets the turn off command. And as she is well into orgasm numer eleven she cant think straight. she trys to pull it out to stop it but it doesnt work, so she deciedes that she will have to go to hospital to have it removed.
In the car on the way there she has another orgasm that makes her swerve dangerously. A police officer see's this and pulls her over. He walks up to the window which she rolls down.
"Have you been drinking?"
"No" The now destrought woman replys
"A voodoo dildo is shagging me and i cant get it to stop im on my way to hospital to have it removed"
"Voodoo dildo" the officer laughs "My arse

Misfitlove · #**106** 10-28-2008

no,youre not bad. i thought they were funny too!

heres another:

cash & prizes!

lol

Misfitlove · #**107** 10-28-2008

LOL that was funny too!

DrBenway · #**108** 10-28-2008

Rules to help women understand men

Men are NOT mind readers.
"Yes" and "No" are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us
Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it woman!!!
Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
Crying is blackmail.
Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor baby.
Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
If it itches, it WILL be scratched. We do that.
If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...honest baby.
Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as footy, cars, or the female nipple.
You have enough clothes.
You have too many shoes.
I am in shape......Round IS a shape!!

DrBenway · #**109** 10-28-2008

)

Three drunks sitting at a bar discussing who was the most drunk drunk the previous day
1st drunk says i was so drunk last night i went home and blew chunks
2nd drunk says Thats nothing! I was so drunk last night i drove home crashed into a tree
kicked my front door down and woke up in the garden
3rd drunk says Thats nothing! I was so drunk last night I stole a police car drove it into my house
threw the TV out of the window and wet the bed
The 1st drunk says I dont think you understood me Chunks is my dog

husband say's to wife everytime I look at myself in the mirror I get a hardon
wife looks at him and says thats because you look like a ****

man says to his wife tell me something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time
his wife replies you have a bigger cock than your brother

Misfitlove · #**110** 10-28-2008

lol us women do those things for sure. xD