It was the mailman's last day on the job after
35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of
weather to the same neighborhood.
When he arrived at the first house on his route
he was greeted by the whole family there, who
congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big
gift envelope.
At the second house they presented him with
a box of fine cigars.
The folks at the third house handed him a
selection of terrific fishing lures.
At the fourth house he was met at the door
by a strikingly blonde woman in a revealing negligee.
She took him by the hand, gently led him through the
door (which she closed behind him), and led him up
the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind
with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.
When he had enough they went downstairs,
where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes,
ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh squeezed
orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured
him a cup of steaming coffee.
As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill
sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All
this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but
what's the dollar for?"
"Well," she said, "last night, I told my
husband that today would be your last day, and that
we should do something special for you. I asked him
what to give you."
He said, "Screw him, give him a dollar."
"Breakfast was my idea."

__________________
May the schwartz be with you

Two Priests are in a Vatican bathroom using the urinals.

One of them looks at the other one's ***** and notices there's a Nicoderm patch on it.

He turns to the other Priest and says, "I believe you're supposed to put that patch on your arm or shoulder, not your *****."
The other onereplies, "It's working just fine. I'm down to 2 butts a day

__________________
May the schwartz be with you

If you want to read more jokes, go to page 12, i posted alot there too




A Scotsman, an Italian, and an Irishman are in a bar. They are having
a good time and all agree that the bar is a nice place. Then the
Scotsman says, "Aye, this is a nice bar, but where I come from, back in
Glasgee, there's a better one. At MacDougal's, ye buy a drink, ye buy
another drink, and MacDougal himself will buy yir third drink."

The others agree that sounds like a good place. Then the Italian says,
"Yeah, dat's a nica bar, but where I come from, dere's a better one. In
Roma, dere's this place, Vincenzo's. At Vincenzo's, you buy a drink,
Vincenzo buys you a drink. You buy anudda drink, Vincenzo buys you
anudda drink."

Everyone agrees that sounds like a great bar. Then the Irishman says,
"You tink dat's great? Where Oi come from in Oirland, dere's dis Place
called Morphy's. At Morphy's, dey boy you your forst drink, dey boy you
your second drink, dey boy you your tird drink, and den, dey take you in
de back and get you laid."

"Wow," say the other two. "That's fantastic. Did that actually happen
to you?"
"No," replies the Irish guy, "but it happened to me sister."




A woman, pregnant with triplets was walking down the street when a robber ran out of a bank and shot her three times in the stomach. Miraculously, she and the babies survived.

The surgeon decided to leave the bullets in because it was too risky to operate. She gave birth to two healthy daughters and a healthy son.

All was fine for 16 years, and then one daughter walked into the room in tears.
"What's wrong?" asked the mother.
"I was taking a tinkle and this bullet came out." replied the daughter.
The mother told her it was okay and explained what happened 16 years before.

About a week later the second daughter walked into the room in tears.
"Mom, I was taking a tinkle and this bullet came out."
Again the mother told her not to worry and explained what happened 16 years before.

Just a week later her son walked into the room in tears.
"It's okay" said the mom, "I know what happened, you were taking a tinkle and a bullet came out."

"No," said the boy, "I was playing with myself and I shot the cat

__________________
May the schwartz be with you

lol good ones,DrBenway!

__________________

__________________

Image courtesy of free-animations.

When I walk through the shadow of the valley of death
I will fear no evil, cause I'm the biggest son of a b***ch in the Valley