Thread: And she said...

** Fair Warning - I tend to be a fairly negative and cynical person.**

Alright so I'm going to jump on the journal bandwagon. I currently have a journal on Open Diary, but would rather put that energy on this forum so here goes nothing....

~~ Completely pointless rant~~ The Red Jumpsuit Appartus really pisses me off, the annoying whiny cry of the lead singer makes me wanna put a hot poker through my ear. So... why do I have to hear them at least once an hour on Pandora even though I keep "THUMBS DOWN" their crappy music?

My issue this time around is completely in regards to my lack of sleep. For some reason, I can't sleep. Example: last night I took two Ambien and while at first I was in a comatosed state, I was up at 1:30 and was super manic and unable to return to sleep. So I was up until 4:30-ish. Honestly, I have no clue how I function at work. I "should" call my doctor, but they annoy me. I've had enough doctors in the past two years to last a lifetime. So if anyone will actually read this, and has any suggestion... I'm open to any and all of them.


Flyleaf's - Momento Mori (pretty righteous) The title of the album, according to WIKI it means "Be mindful of death" or Remember you will die". Anyway, I wasn't really a Lacey fan but this album totally won me over.
My favorite song right now:

Breaking Benjamin - What Lies Beneath

Take a breath
Hold it in
Start a fight
You won't win
Had enough
Let's begin
Nevermind
I don't care

All in all
You're no good
You don't cry
Like you should
Let it go
If you could
When love dies in the end

So i'll find what lies beneath
Your sick twisted smile
As i lay underneath
Your cold jaded eyed
Now you turn the tide on me
'cause you're so unkind
I will always be here
For the rest of my life

Here we go
Does it hurt
Say goodbye
To this world
I will not
Be undone
Come to life
It gets worse

All in all
You're no good
You don't cry
Like you should
I'll be gone
When you fall
Your sad life
Says it all

So i'll find what lies beneath
Your sick twisted smile
As i lay underneath
Your cold jaded eyed
Now you turn the tide on me
'cause you're so unkind
I will always be here
For the rest of my life

Don't carry me under
God sing for the hopeless
I'm the one you left behind

So i'll find what lies beneath
Your sick twisted smile
As i lay underneath
Your cold jaded eyed
Now you turn the tide on me
'cause you're so unkind
I will always be here
For the rest of my life

Bought The Cure - Trilogy last night... that and some New Castle are my plans tonight.

Nice journal! I have nothing against Red Jumpsuit Apparatus though. I like a handful of tracks off of each c.d.. I also really like Flyleaf!

As far as your situation I've officially learned hermitting is a bad idea to a certain extent. Don't hold anything inside! The world needs honesty regardless of consequence. You need it too. Anyone that you are going to be close to whether it be friend or more if they really care about you is going to want to know how you are. I've learned just in my environment alone that the better part of me is how I've always been. My friends know in two seconds if I try to shut down and they don't want that from me because it's truly not my nature. Because I can be open and share I become somebody they can do the same with me. Even if what you say is negative and in the moment the people who truly love you in life will absorb it, understand the emotion and work you through it. I've learned to truly love myself more than ever even in a very trying situation now and you deserve to as well. Take time when you need it and get your thoughts together but don't shut people out for solitude and introversion. Just my advice!

On heartbreak, if you truly had feelings for the other person and once again don't shut them down unhealthily there is NO WAY you'll walk away unscathed. The same passion you put into a relationship will be passion in a different way when it ends. It's not a business! Sorry that you can't work for us anymore situation. Love is passion, pain and a force that has no rationality at all. No rules! Anyone who doesn't know this ball of passion, anger, sadness and life changing force has no idea what love is or is hiding their feelings so down deep it's killing them quietly! Love is a flame and anyone who is not willing to accept the burn shouldn't be in it. We all go back to that flame because we crave it but we are better when we know the risk and soldier on regardless. So don't be ashamed of the feelings because you are human.

I've got one piece of advice though. I believe ALWAYS wait between each relationship because of the growth needed. I've always waited because when you break up you just want to fill a void. No time for reflection or anything. You need that time because you should never be indecisive which person you want. You damage yourself and everyone involved further that way. Wait until you can feel your feelings are real and devote yourself completely to the right person that enters your life.

So in the end love yourself even if it involves a time to reflect on what you started to hate about yourself. The more you reflect honestly the more you accept who you are and are strengthened by it! Peace and good luck!

First, Happy Early Thanksgiving to everyone. I hope the day is a special one.

I thought for once I would just reflect on some of the wonderful things I have to be grateful for. Sometimes it's easy to focus on the negative instead of realizing all the wonderful things you already have.

(For anyone reading, I'd love to hear what you're grateful for this Holiday season.)

Hmm let's see... I'm glad that I've been in remission since July 1st and has since had a clean biopsy. Next accomplishment... stop the injections. Hopefully those will end shortly.

I'm glad I get to wake up everyday and go to work, regardless if it's to a job I'm not particularly fond of.

I'm thankful for Netflix on XBOX, it's like having a million channels of my favorite things to watch.

I'm thankful for Amazon and not once having a bad ordering experiance with them.

I'm thankful for having such amazing "In-Laws" if it wasn't for their gluttonous spending... I'd never be able to go to Seattle as much as I do, on that note... I'm thankful for their Frequent Flyer Miles, and that I get to spend two weeks @ Christmas in my favorite place in the world.

I'm thankful for having such wonderful siblings, even though I'm almost 30 and still treated like the baby... I'm glad to have them there and so involved in my life.

I'm thankful for my little sidekick Sophia. It's such an awesome feeling coming home everyday to someone who can't wait to see me. I just wish she could stay a puppy forever.

I'm thankful that Face To Face is back together, if only for a short time... just long enough for me to see them in concert one more time.

Lastly, I'm thankful for finding MF as my days would be much longer, and boring without the great topics to read!

Current song addiction: The Used - Paralyzed
Before I could ever let you go, gonna beg until I drive you mad
And say something you could understand
I'm a statue baby, knock me out

Oh how these moments fade away, you say you never loved me
We say things we didn't mean to say
I take it back, I take it all back now
I take it back, I take it all back

Paralyzed by the same old antics
Back and forth like some walking spastic
How could a fistfight be romantic?
Thinking back now will you ever feel the same?

You mean more to me than you'll ever know
You're my girl and I think it's a shame
That we get along this way
I'm just a statue try to knock me out

I guess these moments fade away, saying you never loved me
We say things we didn't mean to say
I take it back, I take it all back now
I take it back, I take it all back

Paralyzed by the same old antics
Back and forth like some walking spastic
How could a fistfight be romantic?
Thinking back now will you ever feel the same?

Paralyzed by the same old antics
Back and forth like some walking spastic
How could a fistfight be romantic?
Thinking back now will you ever feel the same?

Ya I know you feel the same, you gotta let me know
I'm dying inside to know
Knock me out
I'm dying inside to know
Let me know, knock me out

Knock me out!
Knock me out!

Paralyzed by the same old antics
Back and forth like some walking spastic
How could a fistfight be romantic?
Thinking back now will you ever feel the same?